“Father’s Day is hopefully a time when the culture says, ‘This is our moment to look at who our men and boys are.'”
Father’s Day is to be celebrated this upcoming Sunday and year after year, this becomes a sensitive and controversial time for many people. As someone who considers herself to be insanely blessed to not only have her father as an active part of her life, but to have grown up in a household with both him and my mother, I am not ignorant to the fact that there are many fatherless children in the world.
Getting to the point…..
I came across a posting from a friend of mine that displayed Father’s Day cards, but for mothers. I was confused and slightly annoyed. Unfortunately, there will be children who are unable to celebrate Father’s Day, but there are children who can’t celebrate Mother’s Day or Grandparents’ Day as well. It’s life and sometimes you are going to feel left out, but trying to include them by celebrating single moms on a day reserved for FATHERS, is just bizarre and taking away from the fathers who are active participants in their child’s life.
[Disclaimer: Before I go any further, I want to clarify that MY definition of a single mom is a mother who has a child that does not receive financial, emotional, physical or spiritual support consistently from their child’s father. A father who has chosen to not be apart of their child’s life. If your child does receive these things or has a father who is willing to do these things, but YOU are not allowing him, then in MY opinion you are not a single mother. You are a single woman with kids, and possibly one who is allowing her bitterness to destroy her child’s relationship with its father.]
Now let’s continue….
Whatever the reason a mother finds herself a single mom, being celebrated on Father’s Day is absolutely ludicrous. Yes, I am aware there are deadbeat baby daddies in the world and I can sympathize with single mothers, and those who do not have a relationship with their father, but I am tired of hearing single mothers say, “I am mommy and daddy.” No, you’re not. Technically and physically, you are just mommy. I completely understand that sometimes single mothers perform duties for their children that should be handled by the father, but you are still just mommy. Agree or agree to disagree, but I think women fail to realize that although you may take on double the responsibility, you will never play the role of a father. And although there are many painful reasons women find themselves raising their children alone, that still does not qualify you to be considered a father.
This year on Father’s Day, I challenge society and all single mothers to allow just one day for the real fathers who deserve it. This means, refrain from taking to your social media accounts and publishing posts armed with insults and sarcastic emojis about how much their child’s father is a deadbeat and as a mother they take care of their child. The reality of the situation is you’re supposed to do that regardless of what role the father plays. Besides, posts like that just make moms look angry and sad, and it ruins the sentiment of Father’s Day. And let’s be honest, not all mothers are present or great parents, either. I mean if you ask me, there should be some type of criteria both males and females have to meet before they are allowed to become parents, but that’s a post for another day.
I would like to end things by saying that my point is in no way to discredit or disrespect single moms (some of my best friends are single moms), but to give more respect to the fathers who are in their kids lives. To suggest that rather than spending Father’s Day ragging on those who are not involved, how about honoring and showing more appreciation to those fathers who are there for their kids no matter what and even male, father-like figures. The fact is, mothers already have their day, and it is unfair enough that Father’s Day traditionally takes a backseat to Mother’s Day.